How To Find Your Love Language

Here are three approaches to help you discover your own primary love language. First, observe your own behavior. How do you typically express love and appreciation to other people? If you are always patting people on the back or giving them hugs, then your primary language may be physical touch.

If you freely give encouraging words to others, then words of affirmation is likely your love language. If you are a gift giver, then perhaps what you desire is receiving gifts. If you enjoy having lunch or taking a walk with a friend, then quality time is probably your love language. If you are always looking for ways to help people, then acts of service may well be your love language. The language you speak is most likely the language you wish to receive.

Here are three approaches to help you discover your own primary love language. First, observe your own behavior. How do you typically express love and appreciation to other people? If you are always patting people on the back or giving them hugs, then your primary language may be physical touch. If you freely give encouraging words to others, then words of affirmation is likely your love language.

If you are a gift giver, then perhaps what you desire is receiving gifts. If you enjoy having lunch or taking a walk with a friend, then quality time is probably your love language. If you are always looking for ways to help people, then acts of service may well be your love language. The language you speak is most likely the language you wish to receive.

Third, what do you request most often? If your friend is leaving on a business trip and you say, “Be sure and bring me a surprise,” you are indicating that gifts are important to you. If you say, “Could we take a walk together this evening?” you are requesting quality time. If you ask for a back rub, you are revealing that physical touch speaks deeply to you. If you often ask people to do things to help you, acts of service is likely your love language.

When you ask, “Did I do a good job?” you are requesting words of affirmation. Observe how you most often express love and appreciation to others; list your complaints and requests, and you will likely be able to determine your own primary love language. Have your friend answer the same three questions and they can discover their love language.
It will be obvious that learning to speak a love language other than your own will take effort. The person who did not grow up receiving words of affirmation may find it difficult to give them. The person who grew up in a family that was not “touchy-feely” will have to learn to speak the language of physical touch. The good news is that all of these languages can be learned and the more you speak them, the easier they become.

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